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Showing posts from 2016

I wish I was a hacker on days like today.

I’d like to replace the articles in the local newspapers in the towns, counties and city’s of those states that voted for him with my own writing.

I’d like to use his words in describing women, and replace them with their own daughters’ names. I’d like to use his words in describing nationalities he doesn’t like, and replace them with their own ancestors nationality. Make it personal – because nothing else has worked.

I feel helpless.
I feel suspicious of every person I see on the street, as people are not who I thought they were.

But I must remember not to make enemies in my head, because most people are good, and most people on this side are on the same side.
But it still makes me feel sick.
For the girls down there. 

I can vow to not visit for the next 4 years. I can delete facebook and twitter and live peacefully with my head in the sand until Christmas or longer. I can put on a big pot of coffee, settle in at work, and watch videos of Obama being the best. And I can write l…

We made a Carolyn Mark Music Video for GET IT UP! Song for the Calgary Stampede xox

Antidepressantsssss

Before I knew I had to quit drinking, I decided a good way to level out all the hangover anxiety was to take antidepressants. My roommate was a total trainwreck, and he took them, so what could possibly go wrong? I knew it was cheating.
I knew it was a distraction from the real problem.
I knew my boyfriend wouldn't go along with it so I didn't tell him.
My doctor would have never gone for it either (she's super smart and invested in my well-being). But thankfully she was away on maternity leave and her replacement didn't bat an eye at my request. Within three hours of taking my first pill (an SSRI) I was in love.
A new drug. It muted all the bad things.
Like the commercials on the car radio, the urge to go check on my hair and makeup every 2 hours at work, the rage at the guy who cut me off on the way to work. I didn't have a care in the world. My insecurities went out the window. How could they fit all that confidence in one teeny tiny pill? I started saying hi to people in…

A reflection on grief

..and then I go back further and think about how it felt when Ryan simply was not coming back. Not ever. My bed was empty and it was a fact that would never change. And people think- I couldn't do it.! But the question is, what do you do, then. As a human your reaction is to scream and shake and cry. But what I know, and this is more real than the other stuff, is that there comes a time when you get tired. And you are no longer crying, but just sitting there, in the silence. Exhausted and empty. Of everything. And it's in that moment that you realize that you are not the first person, nor the last person to lose. And that moment you are feeling is as real As being born and dying, and is common to all people.
And that's when you can sleep.
And you do that over and over again for as long as it takes until the storm quiets and the distraction sets in.

Why don’t we ever talk about the Johns?

Prostitution is everywhere.

When I first moved to Calgary, I answered an ad offering a room for rent on Kijiji. The room was in a penthouse apartment by 17th ave, and my friend and I could live in it in exchange for 'light housekeeping'.

This is where we met Dennis. Dennis had tan hands from fake tanning and liked slushies from Mac's that made his mouth turn blue. He's not the kind of pimp you see in the movies. But he was a pimp.

Dennis wasn't offering a room for rent in exchange for light housekeeping after all. We spent two nights in the room then decided it would be best if we exited the entire situation.  Dennis didn't frighten me, although maybe he should have. He was too stupid.

What frightened me upon learning of this world were the Johns.
The nameless, faceless men who use the services with complete disregard for the countless victims.

“The main users of women in prostitution are regular men who are in regular marriages, study in regular educational …

Comedy club etiquette

I recently watched Michael Richards on Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. I adore him, long before Kramer he was Stanley Spadowski in UHF and Fejos in Transylvannia 6-5000, a comedic genius.
He mentioned the "incident" from 2006 and it took me a minute to realize what he was referring to. One quick google search and I remember the headline "Michael Richards racist rant".
Ugh.
I hate hecklers. Comedians are such fickle creatures, and there's nothing on this planet worse then a heckler. Not even a moment of racist slurs. 
Then I remembered I wrote an article after leaving the comedy club I worked at for a year, about how to behave at a comedy club, cause I was so fed up with the whole scene. The experience was surprisingly, an eye-opening study on human behaviour. 



Here it is:

"So you got bad service at a comedy club...." 


Having just left my position managing an anonymous club in an anonymous city, I feel I could provide you with some insight into wh…

Chained - Petunia and the Vipers

Townes Van Zandt

Rake

My favourite line used to be..

I welcomed the stars with wine and guitars..

..without even noticing..

..full of fire and forgetful.


My walk to work

On my way to work this morning I saw this in the Calgary Sun box.



Michael Platt. I know that name. He's a man who has a platform to speak about anything that relates to the city, as a representative of the people of Calgary.

I'll read the story when I get to work.

Then I walked by this intersection.



It's the intersection where my love was killed 6 years ago on the coldest morning of the year. -40 or so. It's only -2 this morning, so my walk should be quite nice.

The walk is nice, but my mind is racing.

I wonder if Michael Platt drives to work and parks. I wonder if he lives in the suburbs and takes a highway everyday - twice a day. I wonder how our lives are different and how they are similar.

I walk or bike or bus or car2go or drive my own car to work. I can choose. I live in the inner city. If it's rush hour I avoid driving at all costs, due to congestion, and because I live near Deerfoot, the most used highway of all.

When Ryan was walking to work that morning, …