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The South Country Fair

It was one stupid weekend.
He wouldn’t talk to me on the morning I left, because he suddenly wanted to go, but now it was too late. Bye! I yelled to his torso through the open car window.
I wandered through the hippies, reacquainting myself with this alternate reality. Barefooted, bare-bodied youth.

The first night was uneventful, so we drank and smoked and put up a tarp, ruining my car in the process. It was no Frog Fest but it was fun and it was dry. Our more prepared neighbor kept asking if we wanted more rope, which we didn’t. The following morning we wandered through Fort Mcleod, and returned to the festival to discover Nanton friends drinking Pilsners and having songs dedicated to them. They had artist bracelets on because they were Lance’s woofers. We watched Tin & The Toad.

DN played after them. I swooned at his way with words. I’d never seen anything like him, except for that one time.
I was introduced to Kris, as Georgia was handing him beers from our cooler. “The art…
Recent posts

Avoiding Pregnancy as a Modern Female Mammal

As a Canadian, I am grateful for our health care system but also concerned about what's happening in America. What sticks with me the most are the comments on these articles by well-meaning men, who want to chime in but have no leg to stand on.

You know the ones. They don't speak to the availability and affordability of birth control, they speak to the hot issue. The abortion issue. They are pro-choice usually, they want to be open-minded, allowing a woman to choose, but they do not want a woman to "use it as birth control". They have a limit of how many a woman should or shouldn't have had before they cross this man's imaginary line of right or wrong.

This is absurd. A woman does not simply look at her options for birth control and make a conscious decision that an incredibly painful and invasive procedure is what will work best for her life. This is a complicated issue with many other factors at play, namely, accessibility and affordability of birth control…

I wish I was a hacker on days like today.

I’d like to replace the articles in the local newspapers in the towns, counties and city’s of those states that voted for him with my own writing.

I’d like to use his words in describing women, and replace them with their own daughters’ names. I’d like to use his words in describing nationalities he doesn’t like, and replace them with their own ancestors nationality. Make it personal – because nothing else has worked.

I feel helpless.
I feel suspicious of every person I see on the street, as people are not who I thought they were.

But I must remember not to make enemies in my head, because most people are good, and most people on this side are on the same side.
But it still makes me feel sick.
For the girls down there. 

I can vow to not visit for the next 4 years. I can delete facebook and twitter and live peacefully with my head in the sand until Christmas or longer. I can put on a big pot of coffee, settle in at work, and watch videos of Obama being the best. And I can write l…

We made a Carolyn Mark Music Video for GET IT UP! Song for the Calgary Stampede xox

Antidepressantsssss

Before I knew I had to quit drinking, I decided a good way to level out all the hangover anxiety was to take antidepressants. My roommate was a total trainwreck, and he took them, so what could possibly go wrong? I knew it was cheating.
I knew it was a distraction from the real problem.
I knew my boyfriend wouldn't go along with it so I didn't tell him.
My doctor would have never gone for it either (she's super smart and invested in my well-being). But thankfully she was away on maternity leave and her replacement didn't bat an eye at my request. Within three hours of taking my first pill (an SSRI) I was in love.
A new drug. It muted all the bad things.
Like the commercials on the car radio, the urge to go check on my hair and makeup every 2 hours at work, the rage at the guy who cut me off on the way to work. I didn't have a care in the world. My insecurities went out the window. How could they fit all that confidence in one teeny tiny pill? I started saying hi to people in…

A reflection on grief

..and then I go back further and think about how it felt when Ryan simply was not coming back. Not ever. My bed was empty and it was a fact that would never change. And people think- I couldn't do it.! But the question is, what do you do, then. As a human your reaction is to scream and shake and cry. But what I know, and this is more real than the other stuff, is that there comes a time when you get tired. And you are no longer crying, but just sitting there, in the silence. Exhausted and empty. Of everything. And it's in that moment that you realize that you are not the first person, nor the last person to lose. And that moment you are feeling is as real As being born and dying, and is common to all people.
And that's when you can sleep.
And you do that over and over again for as long as it takes until the storm quiets and the distraction sets in.

Why don’t we ever talk about the Johns?

Prostitution is everywhere.

When I first moved to Calgary, I answered an ad offering a room for rent on Kijiji. The room was in a penthouse apartment by 17th ave, and my friend and I could live in it in exchange for 'light housekeeping'.

This is where we met Dennis. Dennis had tan hands from fake tanning and liked slushies from Mac's that made his mouth turn blue. He's not the kind of pimp you see in the movies. But he was a pimp.

Dennis wasn't offering a room for rent in exchange for light housekeeping after all. We spent two nights in the room then decided it would be best if we exited the entire situation.  Dennis didn't frighten me, although maybe he should have. He was too stupid.

What frightened me upon learning of this world were the Johns.
The nameless, faceless men who use the services with complete disregard for the countless victims.

“The main users of women in prostitution are regular men who are in regular marriages, study in regular educational …