July 20, 2010

I wish everyone would stop everything. I should be moving on but there are some things I can’t move past. Ryan’s dead, for one. He wasn’t supposed to die, he was too young. His guitars are getting dusty and he was so good at playing them.

He is gone, yes, but it’s not right. It never will be right. 

Sometimes I can’t breathe. I feel more normal then, as though finally my body is reacting the way it should to not have you next to it. 

Not having you next to me is something I’ve done for 6 months now. Everyday is different. Angela said you were trying to kiss me the other day but you were only able to get her attention, not mine. You told her to tell me. She did.