If you're not tracking your cycle at the age of 39 what are you even doing?
Excuse me if you've heard me go on about this too many times, but I just must.
Today was the WORST.
Sure, it's Monday, but there was something extra awful happening.
I was triggered early, by kids, by my partner, by my coworkers, and it all happened at the same time. It felt like an emotional implosion, that became an explosion. I yelled, I stomped around, I had an adult temper tantrum. Then I got in the car and cranked Christmas music, a known medicine to grumpiness in my family. But it continued.
After dropping off my daughter at school, I cried the whole way to work. I parked the car. While walking the few blocks to work I caught my reflection in the window and thought "if I were to meet myself on the street, I'd hate me instantly based on my clothes alone". That's when I realized something was up.
This negative self talk was familiar. It creeps in slowly and then quickly, and that's usually the biggest clue that I'm getting close to cycle day 21. I opened my app and "TA DA!", on the nose. Today IS cycle day 21.
Knowing this information, that I'm prone to this sort of emotional turmoil on and around this day, never stops me from identifying it beforehand. Never. It's usually a voice inside that says "you are unlikable, no one wants to be around you, you are the worst human on the planet" that is my first indicator. I have to be IN it, to recognize it.
But it does give me the grace to handle it after I know. So I did what anyone would do. I went and got a sandwich, poured a coffee, and ate it at my desk, feeling instantly better. I can handle today now. I'm not the enemy, cycle day 21 is the enemy, and every hour that goes by, I'm getting farther and farther away from it.
Sometimes I put little hearts on the calendar at home to remind myself it's coming, but I usually don't see it. I sent an apology to my partner along with a "it's cycle day 21" hoping that will give me a bit more forgiveness.
I can't imagine not knowing this valuable information now that i know. If you think it's impossible, take a look at some of the symptoms I wrote down in the 12 months of taking notes on my mood (every single one was on cycle day 20, 21, or 22):
Sorrowful
Weeping isn't far
Don't know how to parent
Everything feels annoying
Feeling crazed, chaotic, my brain is swirling, everything stinks
I hate everyone
A little grumpy
Interested only in sugar and shopping
Overly emotional
Want to only play guitar
Short tempered
I feel shaken to my core
I'm a fucking mess today
I'm not well, I said to myself
Weird ungenerous thoughts, assuming everyone hates me
Traumatic for everyone
I've been shopping like crazy
So now the big question is WHY?
Why does it feel this way on this day and is it just me or is it everyone?
It's because our happy hormones have been slowly leaving us and this is the lowest they'll ever be. I'm not a scientist obviously, but this about sums it up. This is why shopping and eating feels better, it's filling in some missing dopamine.
Some of the earliest research on how the menstrual cycle affects mood determined that a womens cycle day can be predicted by mood alone, 100 % of the time! (1939 Study).
Today was the WORST.
Sure, it's Monday, but there was something extra awful happening.
I was triggered early, by kids, by my partner, by my coworkers, and it all happened at the same time. It felt like an emotional implosion, that became an explosion. I yelled, I stomped around, I had an adult temper tantrum. Then I got in the car and cranked Christmas music, a known medicine to grumpiness in my family. But it continued.
After dropping off my daughter at school, I cried the whole way to work. I parked the car. While walking the few blocks to work I caught my reflection in the window and thought "if I were to meet myself on the street, I'd hate me instantly based on my clothes alone". That's when I realized something was up.
This negative self talk was familiar. It creeps in slowly and then quickly, and that's usually the biggest clue that I'm getting close to cycle day 21. I opened my app and "TA DA!", on the nose. Today IS cycle day 21.
Knowing this information, that I'm prone to this sort of emotional turmoil on and around this day, never stops me from identifying it beforehand. Never. It's usually a voice inside that says "you are unlikable, no one wants to be around you, you are the worst human on the planet" that is my first indicator. I have to be IN it, to recognize it.
But it does give me the grace to handle it after I know. So I did what anyone would do. I went and got a sandwich, poured a coffee, and ate it at my desk, feeling instantly better. I can handle today now. I'm not the enemy, cycle day 21 is the enemy, and every hour that goes by, I'm getting farther and farther away from it.
Sometimes I put little hearts on the calendar at home to remind myself it's coming, but I usually don't see it. I sent an apology to my partner along with a "it's cycle day 21" hoping that will give me a bit more forgiveness.
I can't imagine not knowing this valuable information now that i know. If you think it's impossible, take a look at some of the symptoms I wrote down in the 12 months of taking notes on my mood (every single one was on cycle day 20, 21, or 22):
Sorrowful
Weeping isn't far
Don't know how to parent
Everything feels annoying
Feeling crazed, chaotic, my brain is swirling, everything stinks
I hate everyone
A little grumpy
Interested only in sugar and shopping
Overly emotional
Want to only play guitar
Short tempered
I feel shaken to my core
I'm a fucking mess today
I'm not well, I said to myself
Weird ungenerous thoughts, assuming everyone hates me
Traumatic for everyone
I've been shopping like crazy
So now the big question is WHY?
Why does it feel this way on this day and is it just me or is it everyone?
It's because our happy hormones have been slowly leaving us and this is the lowest they'll ever be. I'm not a scientist obviously, but this about sums it up. This is why shopping and eating feels better, it's filling in some missing dopamine.
Some of the earliest research on how the menstrual cycle affects mood determined that a womens cycle day can be predicted by mood alone, 100 % of the time! (1939 Study).
So before you go ahead and break the law or get a divorce or runaway to the Bahamas, double check you're not just reacting to cycle day 21.
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