Death Day

 Does anyone else wonder when their death day will be?
There's a woman who does cross stitch who also wonders, I saw her at a craft sale where she sold different cute little pieces discussing ones death day. 

The idea that every single year of my life, I live happily on a particular day, not knowing that in however many years, that day will be imprinted on my life forever, right next to my birthday, under a picture of me.

I always put the parking break on when doing something out my car window, like at a drive through bank, or scanning my card for underground parking. I fear the most senseless way to die, in my opinion, being crushed by my own car in a strange accident. An actor went that way, as well as a Calgarian who had bought tickets to the movies that night, but then couldn't attend because she slipped up while leaving a parking garage after work. That news story haunted me. I'm a bit clumsy so, always park for me.

My obsession with my death day may be new within the last 12 years, as I lost Ryan and I became more interested in death than ever before. 

So anytime a date stands out to me, I let my mind explore the possibilities of it being my death day. Yesterday I had a strong feeling about June 20th, couldn't pinpoint why. As I crawled into bed I thought, well, today was spared, maybe it will be June 20th another year. Who knows where thoughts come from, they just appear. (Empire Records).

Like Molly Shannon says, my obsession with death as a real event that will befall me, is not a curse, but a blessing. I tend to appreciate the things I have now, the good days, because I know my life can fall out from under me at any time. Losing someone in your closest circle can do that. Losing someone that close can also mute your fear of death a bit. They've crossed some bridge that everyone before you did, so it can't be that scary. And they'll be there. 

It's in our nature to always look to the future. My poppa collected menus for all the local restaurants on the day he passed in his sleep. That's something to look forward to. I like the idea that we always have something to look forward to. But like Kelly said and like I morbidly wrote in my yearbook grad caption, 'Tomorrow isn't promised to anyone'.