Today is an experiment

 Cycle day 20. 
6 months ago I read about something called the luteal phase, the phase of a woman's cycle when she's most likely to go bat shit crazy, or words to that effect. 
The experiment I read about could predict the phase of a woman's menstrual cycle 100 percent of the time by behaviour alone. HOW CAN THIS BE?

That brings me to cycle day 20. 
Every month I become overwhelmed with a feeling of self....loathing is too strong a word, but you get the idea. It's overwhelming. It seeps into every interaction, every action, every feeling. So I started to take note of what day of my cycle this happens on. 
Day fucking 20. 

This is the 6th month, where I've felt it, then opened the note. 
Day 19, day 23, it's always around there. 
Now, I don't open that note any other times. I've never felt those feelings and opened it and seen day 1 or day 30. I ONLY feel those feelings, during the luteal phase. Which is fascinating. 

I often shop a lot more around this time, wandering aisles when I don't necessarily need anything. Probably trying to fill up my dopamine the only way I know how. 
I bet I post on social media more, as an attempt to get some more hits.

Another interesting fact about the luteal phase is that women burn 30 % more calories during this phase. HOW WAS THIS INFORMATION HIDING FROM ME MY WHOLE LIFE?

So now that I know, 6 months in, what to expect, today's experiment is about what helps me feel better on these days. So far, only these things:

1 - Coffee. 
2 - The news came on the radio. I normally change it but today it felt like I needed to hear information, as a way to get out of my own head. And it helped me feel temporarily in control. Not sure why. 
3 - Christmas. A catalog arrived about Christmas cards and looking through it made me feel temporarily better. 
4 - Certain music. A very specific kind of music, I should start a playlist. 
5 - Quiet. I felt instantly better when my kids were at dayhome. Headphones kept me sane until then.
6 - Breathing. 10 deep breaths. 
7 - Solitude. There's no one in the office and it's just what I need.

8 - Exercise

9. The sunset was pretty nice

10. Food helped.

I'll be sure to add to this list when the day is over. 
Things that don't help me when I'm like this. 
1 - Chaos
2 - Clutter
3 - Noise
4 - Minor inconveniences
5 - Being in a public place. The interaction with the grocery clerk felt painful.

I don't know who reads this blog, but if you're female, download an app and track your cycle closely. Eve is the one I use. It's pretty dumb (as all female-targeted apps are) but it tells you the exact cycle day and informs you when you're in the luteal phase. In another life, I'd create my own app without all that bullshit. 

Here's hoping the fog lifts for me tomorrow and I can spend the next 3 weeks in blissful ignorance until my serotonin levels drop again next month and my body goes into a withdrawal state causing more moodiness.