I can’t help but feel like something has fundamentally shifted

The skin on my forearm is acting up. 

Itchy puffy veins, indents, lumps, skin that looks like it’s aged 12 years in 1 year.

I feel like talking with someone about it, but I also feel like there’s a limit on how much I’m allowed to talk about Lyme and I’ve reached it. Today, this week, this month. I’ve been getting canned responses, this must be so difficult for you, I’m sorry you have to go through this with two small children. Which is fine, but I don’t really want to talk about how difficult it is, because most days it doesn’t feel difficult. It feels fine and just a little weird. Some people have it way worse. I’m lucky, and I’m getting treated. But some days I do just want to say “my left toe just went numb, isn’t that fucked up?” Or “did you know this bacteria has been around for 100 million years so technically dinosaurs could have been getting Lyme?” Or did you hear about that celebrity that has it? But no one really cares.

So I go to my Lyme groups and see what they’re talking about. Even there it’s not 100 percent safe, as there’s always these random dudes that pop out from behind a bush to say “chronic Lyme isn’t real” then disappear again. Just to make us all feel crazy or stupid or both. 

I’m having a hard time explaining the controversy to people that don’t get it. I want them to know how how insane this fight is between the two camps. But no one gives a shit really, so I’ll just pour it all into my projects.