Going on 10 years

I caught myself going back there again last night. I visit the time and place in my head where he used to be alive. The people are there, his people, and I revisit. Inevitably it always ends with”he’s not back yet” “no” okay, I’ll come backa’ later.

 I know he won’t be back but it feels like maybe next time.

Although our brains are the most sophisticated machines on earth, they’re rendered almost childlike when confronted with grief. They speak only in the simplest terms.

Where is he?

He’s gone

Why

He’s dead

When’s he coming back 

He’s not

That’s ok I’ll wait

How can he be so real in my memory but not real at all in my day to day?

 

So I live with this illogical idea that I know is illogical but I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to explain it to my brain for it to fully understand