The moment I realized
Last night I watched this clip from the filmmakers of To Dye For, and I was reminded of my A-Ha moment and wanted to get it down. It had been months of holding my daughter while she lashed out, every limb kicking and fighting me, preventing her from destruction of property and harming other children, specifically her little brother. I cried everyday. I called my sister, I begged for advice, she told me to take a class on holds you can put children in. I called therapists, I spoke with her Doctor, I was desperate. What I didn't know was that here I was, holding her, begging her to stop, for one of the last times. She was safe in the playroom at Grandmas. But I wasn't sure Grandma was okay as she had never been present for one of these violent episodes, she'd only heard of them. I left Bernadette in the playroom and went out to explain to Grandma that it was okay, she'll calm down in about 30 minutes, then we'll head home, "sorry you had to see this". Th...
